It has been such a beautiful fall, and I just keep thinking of all the memories I haven't been able to share and enjoy with my Boys and Jade. I pass by Jades house almost every day. Sometimes I see her moms car there. Most times i see its not there. I wonder if she is there along or if she is at someones house other than the Boys?? I worrie about her so much.I wish she would just come down the hill to me. I miss her more than I could ever write about. I hope it doesn't take something terrible happening to her to reach out to me.
Tonight was the first dance at WPC and NRHS . I was thinking Kory might have called mom to take him there ..but she said she didn't hear form him. I hope they take Shelia up on her offer to get them Halloween Night so they can trick-or-Treat ....like KIDS are suppose to do.
Heck, please ....they are only 14 and 12.
I hoe the all ( Dustan, Jade and Kory) have a fun weekend!!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
The Future is Written
I haven't written a lot since the boys and Mom went camping. I have been trying to stay busy (Time seams to pass a little easier when I'm busy ). I have met with the Women whose conducting the parental assessment and even though It was difficult to complete. It is finished.
I have learned that she didn't talk to Yvonne or my councilor (Susan Hartley).I am really disappointed that she didn't have the chance to take their opinions into account before she reached her final decision. Which I was led to understand was her "First draft" for the courts. I think that both these contacts would have been beneficial to her final opinion. Especially since she would have had the insight form my psychologist for the most resent events.
I received word from Kathy today that we will be waiting to hear from the Judge for his final decision. ..... :(
Even tho I am thinking the worst....I am trying to keep letting them know I Love them in what ever way I can.
I have sent out the usual treats with Mom.(Thanks Giving Dinner, cookies, Banana loaf) and I have tried to let them know I know whats going on at school for them too.
I have made an apron for Kory for Home-Ech, I sent a Knee brace for Dust (so he was more secure in trying out for sports ,this year.
) He (Dustan) is actually trying out for B-Ball!!!!!!!! :D
I have stayed away up until now. But If he makes the team I will be there to see him play. ( Even if I have to hide in the shadows) Im soooooooo glad Brody is trying out too. I know if it wasn't for that ...Dust wouldn't have tried. He knows the only way he would be able to get to the games is ether Brody or my Mom. ( Mom had taken him to two try-outs so far) GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!9 and Brody) :D :D !!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have learned that she didn't talk to Yvonne or my councilor (Susan Hartley).I am really disappointed that she didn't have the chance to take their opinions into account before she reached her final decision. Which I was led to understand was her "First draft" for the courts. I think that both these contacts would have been beneficial to her final opinion. Especially since she would have had the insight form my psychologist for the most resent events.
I received word from Kathy today that we will be waiting to hear from the Judge for his final decision. ..... :(
Even tho I am thinking the worst....I am trying to keep letting them know I Love them in what ever way I can.
I have sent out the usual treats with Mom.(Thanks Giving Dinner, cookies, Banana loaf) and I have tried to let them know I know whats going on at school for them too.
I have made an apron for Kory for Home-Ech, I sent a Knee brace for Dust (so he was more secure in trying out for sports ,this year.
) He (Dustan) is actually trying out for B-Ball!!!!!!!! :D
I have stayed away up until now. But If he makes the team I will be there to see him play. ( Even if I have to hide in the shadows) Im soooooooo glad Brody is trying out too. I know if it wasn't for that ...Dust wouldn't have tried. He knows the only way he would be able to get to the games is ether Brody or my Mom. ( Mom had taken him to two try-outs so far) GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!9 and Brody) :D :D !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, August 9, 2010
Camping?????
I called Mom tonight after thinking of something she could do with the Boys. I told her that if she took the trailor to a nearby camp-groundand went and took the Boys with her ...they would love it!!
She was sounding stressed because Gary wouldnt go with her.((((Grrrr)
I told her " get him to help u set it up and have a few days with the kids" I know they would love it!!! Mom too!!
She was very withdrawn with the idea. Because she said "If garys not there I dont think I will"
I told her "That hurts me Mom" ...... " I know you would Love havin a fire, laughing, smores...."
She tried to brush ther idea off , telling me "well see"
Im so bothered by how Mom feels ......If I could I would Tell Gary how much this hurts me, because it hurts Mom......weather she realixes it or not.
She was sounding stressed because Gary wouldnt go with her.((((Grrrr)
I told her " get him to help u set it up and have a few days with the kids" I know they would love it!!! Mom too!!
She was very withdrawn with the idea. Because she said "If garys not there I dont think I will"
I told her "That hurts me Mom" ...... " I know you would Love havin a fire, laughing, smores...."
She tried to brush ther idea off , telling me "well see"
Im so bothered by how Mom feels ......If I could I would Tell Gary how much this hurts me, because it hurts Mom......weather she realixes it or not.
Moms Sunday with the Boys
As usuall, Mom went out to take the Boys for lunch. Subay was the on the menue. ...I seen them pulling out of Subway, as Joel and I were pullin into the Central supplys enterance. Mom said that she didnt see us.
Mom said she took them up to the future shop to look around. Then she went to se Nanny Ellsworth with them.
Mathew wasent home when she picked them up or dropped them off.
Mom said she took them up to the future shop to look around. Then she went to se Nanny Ellsworth with them.
Mathew wasent home when she picked them up or dropped them off.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Korys Birthday!
Well today is Korys 12th Birthday. I made him a fruit pizza instead of the regular one (with hopes that Mathew got him one??) I got him the traditional box of fire works and some gifts.
I went out to the tailor around 9:45, just as it was getting dark. The kids were home and Mathew wasn't. When kory seen me comming he went to the door and locked it.Then he shut the kitchen window. :( :(
I told him " just take ur gifts and Ill go. He said "no" So I put them on the door step and as I was leaving I said "this is pathetic ,to which Dusatn said "No you are pathetic"
I drove down the hill to shirlies and stayed to make sure if they put the fireworks off I would be there in case anything went wrong. But they didnt put them off.
I left feeling content that they wouldnt ....so i left and went back to work.
I went out to the tailor around 9:45, just as it was getting dark. The kids were home and Mathew wasn't. When kory seen me comming he went to the door and locked it.Then he shut the kitchen window. :( :(
I told him " just take ur gifts and Ill go. He said "no" So I put them on the door step and as I was leaving I said "this is pathetic ,to which Dusatn said "No you are pathetic"
I drove down the hill to shirlies and stayed to make sure if they put the fireworks off I would be there in case anything went wrong. But they didnt put them off.
I left feeling content that they wouldnt ....so i left and went back to work.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Power out!! July 14/ 2010
I spoke to Mom tonight and she told me that Dust called her last night around the time she goes to bed. He said he was bored because the power was out.(I questioned if he was a little scared?? But she said she didn't ask him )
He told her he just got back from Broadys and the power was out.
He told her that he looked for a place to see his U-Ge O cards in Truro and he asked if they could mabie go this weekend. Mom told his she would see.
She said while they were talking Dust said the power came back on. ( I really think he was a little scared. I know he feels responsible for not only him but Kory too :(..)
They ended their talk with Mom telling Dust to say Good Night to Kory,Dust said he would :)
He told her he just got back from Broadys and the power was out.
He told her that he looked for a place to see his U-Ge O cards in Truro and he asked if they could mabie go this weekend. Mom told his she would see.
She said while they were talking Dust said the power came back on. ( I really think he was a little scared. I know he feels responsible for not only him but Kory too :(..)
They ended their talk with Mom telling Dust to say Good Night to Kory,Dust said he would :)
Moms Visit Sun July 11th
I spoke to Mom last night and I asked her if she herd from Dust on Sun to let me know because I have treats to send out with her for them.
Mom came out b4 she went to get them at around 1pm. I gave her the cookies, brownies and muffins I made for them. I also gave her a shadow box I made for her containing shells and pics from our day at Caribou beach together.:) She was surprised , and loved it!! :D
She called me later in the evening to tell me how their day went together.
She did take them out to see Shelia but didn't have a lot of time to see her because she was going to a shower.(we weren't sure of when she was going to it) Mom told me that Dustan told her in the car while in Shelias driveway "I'm nervous to go in because its been so long since I saw her" Mom knew he was feeling embarrassed that it was so long since he was there and told him not to worried.
Mom said when they went in Shelia was VERY happy to see them both and hugged and cooed over them !! :) (I knew she would!!:D..)
They had a short but good visit together.
Mom told me they did their usual 'Subway' trip and Kory wanted to go to the ark-aide,since he hasn't been there in a while.B4 going to see Shelia.
Mom tole me that mathew wasn't home ,eater when she picked them up or when she took them home.(as usual) :(
They did take my treats....Mom told them they were from me .She told me Dust took them from her and said Thanks.
Im soooo grateful Mom gets to spend time with them! :D
I know they Love it as much as she does! :)
Mom came out b4 she went to get them at around 1pm. I gave her the cookies, brownies and muffins I made for them. I also gave her a shadow box I made for her containing shells and pics from our day at Caribou beach together.:) She was surprised , and loved it!! :D
She called me later in the evening to tell me how their day went together.
She did take them out to see Shelia but didn't have a lot of time to see her because she was going to a shower.(we weren't sure of when she was going to it) Mom told me that Dustan told her in the car while in Shelias driveway "I'm nervous to go in because its been so long since I saw her" Mom knew he was feeling embarrassed that it was so long since he was there and told him not to worried.
Mom said when they went in Shelia was VERY happy to see them both and hugged and cooed over them !! :) (I knew she would!!:D..)
They had a short but good visit together.
Mom told me they did their usual 'Subway' trip and Kory wanted to go to the ark-aide,since he hasn't been there in a while.B4 going to see Shelia.
Mom tole me that mathew wasn't home ,eater when she picked them up or when she took them home.(as usual) :(
They did take my treats....Mom told them they were from me .She told me Dust took them from her and said Thanks.
Im soooo grateful Mom gets to spend time with them! :D
I know they Love it as much as she does! :)
Friday, July 9, 2010
Chicken Dinner
After Mom telling be abuot Dustan asking for recepies from Shelia,I had to make them a Big super.Hearing Dust ask for recepies just tells me that him and prob Kory are getting sick of eating pizza and fries.
I put a chicken in the slow coker and made them Potatoes,turnip,carrots,stuffing,cream corn and yellow beans,and gravy.I got the a deep & delishious cake for desert. I made them each a plat up (wich im sure they will get at least 2 meals out of).
I tried to take it out to them on wed around 7pm but there was no one home,and the dor was locked so i took it back home and went back out yesterday.I called Shirlie b4 i went out and asked her if the car was in the drive way and if the boys bikes were there? She said the car was and one bike was there.
I went out and went to the door and knocked,no answer but the door was open so I went in and set everything on the table. As leaving i seen the kids bedroom window was open so I said "go look on the table Bud I love you"
I went down to Shirlies and visited with her and Sky for a bit b4 i left.
As I was leaving I seen Dustan comming on his bike from Brodys and as I seen him Kory was going towards Broadys.I waved to them both as I was driving.
I am happy they will eat a good meal today that I know they will soooooo enjoy.
I put a chicken in the slow coker and made them Potatoes,turnip,carrots,stuffing,cream corn and yellow beans,and gravy.I got the a deep & delishious cake for desert. I made them each a plat up (wich im sure they will get at least 2 meals out of).
I tried to take it out to them on wed around 7pm but there was no one home,and the dor was locked so i took it back home and went back out yesterday.I called Shirlie b4 i went out and asked her if the car was in the drive way and if the boys bikes were there? She said the car was and one bike was there.
I went out and went to the door and knocked,no answer but the door was open so I went in and set everything on the table. As leaving i seen the kids bedroom window was open so I said "go look on the table Bud I love you"
I went down to Shirlies and visited with her and Sky for a bit b4 i left.
As I was leaving I seen Dustan comming on his bike from Brodys and as I seen him Kory was going towards Broadys.I waved to them both as I was driving.
I am happy they will eat a good meal today that I know they will soooooo enjoy.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Dustan Called mom
Mom had the boys on Sunday and later in the evening Dustan called mom and asked he if she could go out to Shelias and pick up the dumbell weight he left there when he was living with her.Mom told him she would try to get out and get it from her.
I told her I would call Yvonne and sak her to pick it up for me and I would get it to mom.
Mom told me Dust called her back a little bit later and asked her to ask Shelia to write down some recepies for him. Mom was a little stunned by his request and asked him " do u mean Meat and potatoes??' and he told her..what ever she might think i would like...I think I might start cooking"
That broke my heart, I know hes getin sick of oven fries and chicken strips and pizza. I think I might make a chicken and some veggies for them and send it out to them soon.Sounds like they are cravin some REAL food.I just wish they would break down and realise I want to do every thing for them like I should be doing! Im feeling so lost without them.
Korys 12th Birthday is comming up soon and I want to be able to have a party for him with his friends...but I cant :(
omg......I miss them soooooo much.Time isent healing anything!!!
I told her I would call Yvonne and sak her to pick it up for me and I would get it to mom.
Mom told me Dust called her back a little bit later and asked her to ask Shelia to write down some recepies for him. Mom was a little stunned by his request and asked him " do u mean Meat and potatoes??' and he told her..what ever she might think i would like...I think I might start cooking"
That broke my heart, I know hes getin sick of oven fries and chicken strips and pizza. I think I might make a chicken and some veggies for them and send it out to them soon.Sounds like they are cravin some REAL food.I just wish they would break down and realise I want to do every thing for them like I should be doing! Im feeling so lost without them.
Korys 12th Birthday is comming up soon and I want to be able to have a party for him with his friends...but I cant :(
omg......I miss them soooooo much.Time isent healing anything!!!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Summer Treats.
Today Mom came over this afternoon(after a crazy morning with her and nan and the medical home helth) and told me she was going out to see the boys. I got her to stop here and pick up some treats I had for them.I made peanut butter cookies and Apple Crisp for them.( apple crisp is one of Dustans favs)
I decided to give mom the new cloths i have been picking up for them for the last few weeks and give it to them along with the treats.I also had an out fit for Jade along with what I gave Mom 4 the boys.
Mom called me afer she got home from having them and told me that Kory was very happy to get the cloths! He told her "Sweet" but Dust didnt say anything as he took them in the trailor.
I asked mom "what about Jade?" she told me Dustan said "shes not alowed back!"...mom didnt know what happened to cause this.I can only assume her and Rhonda got into one of their fights and Rhonda is punishing her with the one thing Jade loves....Being with the kids.
Im just glad the boys gotr the summer clouths I got for them. :)
I alos spoke to Hanna tonight on line.She said she was talking to Kory at the same time I was Chatin with her.I told her I would let her go so she could talk to him but she insisted she could chat with the two of us at the same time......what a sweet girl! :)
Any way...I should get myself to bed because I told Skylar I would pick her up tomorrow b4 I went to work and drop her off at the strawberrie fields.
5am will come wayyyy to early!!
I decided to give mom the new cloths i have been picking up for them for the last few weeks and give it to them along with the treats.I also had an out fit for Jade along with what I gave Mom 4 the boys.
Mom called me afer she got home from having them and told me that Kory was very happy to get the cloths! He told her "Sweet" but Dust didnt say anything as he took them in the trailor.
I asked mom "what about Jade?" she told me Dustan said "shes not alowed back!"...mom didnt know what happened to cause this.I can only assume her and Rhonda got into one of their fights and Rhonda is punishing her with the one thing Jade loves....Being with the kids.
Im just glad the boys gotr the summer clouths I got for them. :)
I alos spoke to Hanna tonight on line.She said she was talking to Kory at the same time I was Chatin with her.I told her I would let her go so she could talk to him but she insisted she could chat with the two of us at the same time......what a sweet girl! :)
Any way...I should get myself to bed because I told Skylar I would pick her up tomorrow b4 I went to work and drop her off at the strawberrie fields.
5am will come wayyyy to early!!
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Sunday 27th 2010
For the last few evenings I have been chattin with Korys little girlfriend Hannah.We both commented on a pic of her and Kory and the conversations started from there.
She seams like such a sweet girl. :)
Tonight I got a friends request form her. I accepted with leary thoughts.I dont want Kory to be upset.I know he has me blocked from facebook but I am a little worried if he was to find out I was friends with her he might get upset with her.I have warned her he might not like it.Im a little torn.
We will see what happens.
She seams like such a sweet girl. :)
Tonight I got a friends request form her. I accepted with leary thoughts.I dont want Kory to be upset.I know he has me blocked from facebook but I am a little worried if he was to find out I was friends with her he might get upset with her.I have warned her he might not like it.Im a little torn.
We will see what happens.
Sat june 26th 2010.
Today Mom was planning on going out to see the Boys. I asked her to let me know when she was going out so I could got out and take them their grading present, and the cards i got for them. We met at the bottom of the trailor court at 10:30.We drove up to the trailor and The kids looked out the bedroom window to see who it was.I waved and mouthed I Love You.I took the basket ball net and ball out of the car and layed it along side of the half finished picnic table.(that has been half done for 2 years now!)
I gave the cards to mom to give to the boys and then I gave mom a kiss and told her thanks for meeting me .She went in to see them and I left.
She took them out for a few hours and called me later in the day to tell me they had a good visit.
She told me that when Kory went outside to get in the car with mom he saw the basketball net and told Dustan "we should put it beside the trailor so no one takes it) That put a smile on my face!! I know that the first thing they probably did when they got back was get it al set up!! Just wish I could hve thrown a few hoops with them.Just glad they have it!! Something for them to do outside.
I gave the cards to mom to give to the boys and then I gave mom a kiss and told her thanks for meeting me .She went in to see them and I left.
She took them out for a few hours and called me later in the day to tell me they had a good visit.
She told me that when Kory went outside to get in the car with mom he saw the basketball net and told Dustan "we should put it beside the trailor so no one takes it) That put a smile on my face!! I know that the first thing they probably did when they got back was get it al set up!! Just wish I could hve thrown a few hoops with them.Just glad they have it!! Something for them to do outside.
Graduation June 25th 2010
Well this years graduation was another dissapointment. Mom and Nanny came to see Dustan graduate. Like last year they were a no show. Not even Jade was there. I know I hadent seen eather one of them walk in with their class but I wanted to wait to see if Mr.Boulter called eather of their names,he didnt.I dont even know if they made it into the 80's or 70's club.
I told mom I couldnt sit through any more of it because they wernt there.We got up and left. I thanked mOm and Nan for comming and we left,I went to work.
While I was going to work I looked in Rhondas driveway and sure enough her car was there.How she has no reguard for jades acompishments I will never understand.
I posted a comment the other day on my facebook congradulating the grade 8's on their grad and Jade commented on it saying "okay,well. this is from jade.
i am involved in ALL, things to do with my school.
the only reason i didnt go to grad, was because i didnt have time to get ready. i had every intention of going! i got a dress and everything. and dustan and brody.. think their to cool to go.
just thought id fill yah in. - bye."
To that I commented... "thats why I was dissapointed...I tought at least you would be there. :(
Im still proud of you reguardless !!!
I know how much effort U (and Dustan) put into ur grades...It would have been nice to see u both accept the regonition with ur peers...
Im sure all ur friends missed u and Dust.I know I did."
Seeing her comment on what I said tells me that she cares.I know They would have been there if I was still allowed to be in their life.It breaks my heart to know they are missing out on so much I would be doing for them and with my hands tied It kills me I cant do a thing about it.
I told mom I couldnt sit through any more of it because they wernt there.We got up and left. I thanked mOm and Nan for comming and we left,I went to work.
While I was going to work I looked in Rhondas driveway and sure enough her car was there.How she has no reguard for jades acompishments I will never understand.
I posted a comment the other day on my facebook congradulating the grade 8's on their grad and Jade commented on it saying "okay,well. this is from jade.
i am involved in ALL, things to do with my school.
the only reason i didnt go to grad, was because i didnt have time to get ready. i had every intention of going! i got a dress and everything. and dustan and brody.. think their to cool to go.
just thought id fill yah in. - bye."
To that I commented... "thats why I was dissapointed...I tought at least you would be there. :(
Im still proud of you reguardless !!!
I know how much effort U (and Dustan) put into ur grades...It would have been nice to see u both accept the regonition with ur peers...
Im sure all ur friends missed u and Dust.I know I did."
Seeing her comment on what I said tells me that she cares.I know They would have been there if I was still allowed to be in their life.It breaks my heart to know they are missing out on so much I would be doing for them and with my hands tied It kills me I cant do a thing about it.
PROM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! June 22nd 2010
I went ot Shirlies to help her get Skylars hair done for the prom.She was so excited (wish I would have been helping Kory and Jade get ready).When she was ready I went to the school to wait for Kory.(I got a new Camera today to capture the night!! :)!!!!!
I got there early and waited to see if Kory came.He did!! I seen mathew drop him off. Deanne (a child hood friend) came over to me and asked where Kory was.I showed her and she went and got him because Hannah(korys little girlfriend) was looking for him.Deanns daughter and Hannah are best friends.(funny how the universe works sometimes.what are the ods that Korys first girlfriend is best friends with a friend of mynes daughter!!)
The look on Korys face when he seen Hannah was enough to melt my heart! His face melted like butter!! :)
I took some pictuers of them all.Deanne got them to line up so all the parents could get some pics!
Dustan didnt go to the prom.Wish he would have but I was pretty sure he wouldnt go.
I did see Jade tho.I took some pics of her too.She looked SOOOOO beautiful! We didnt talk but she saw me taking pics of her and didnt seam to mind.She even looked at me a few times and we exchanged smiles.
I left as they were going into the dance and went to work at the mill!
Happy!!! Proud!!!! Sooo Content!!
I got there early and waited to see if Kory came.He did!! I seen mathew drop him off. Deanne (a child hood friend) came over to me and asked where Kory was.I showed her and she went and got him because Hannah(korys little girlfriend) was looking for him.Deanns daughter and Hannah are best friends.(funny how the universe works sometimes.what are the ods that Korys first girlfriend is best friends with a friend of mynes daughter!!)
The look on Korys face when he seen Hannah was enough to melt my heart! His face melted like butter!! :)
I took some pictuers of them all.Deanne got them to line up so all the parents could get some pics!
Dustan didnt go to the prom.Wish he would have but I was pretty sure he wouldnt go.
I did see Jade tho.I took some pics of her too.She looked SOOOOO beautiful! We didnt talk but she saw me taking pics of her and didnt seam to mind.She even looked at me a few times and we exchanged smiles.
I left as they were going into the dance and went to work at the mill!
Happy!!! Proud!!!! Sooo Content!!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Waiting for Prom and Graduation......
Not much to talk about lately.I have kept my didtance since my last visit on the 10th. I did find out today that Dustan didnt go on his class trip to Crystan Palace with the rest of the grade 8's. :(
Him and Broady stayed home. Lisa ( Broadys mother told me). I have to admit I was very disapointed when I found out.I really thought that he would be excited to go.I have to wonder if having to be at school early and needing a ride there had anything to do with it??? Guess I wont find out unless I ask mom to ask Dustan next time she sees them.
I cant wait till their Prom!! :) Kory is going with a girlfriend. I cant wait to see him,even if it is from my car.I will have to zoom in on my camera to see him.This is his first girlfriend.Im so happy for him but I cant help to feel sad because im missing out on hearing him talk about her and seeing his face full of pride.
Im also looking sooo forward to Dustans graduation on the 25th.I hope he goes to it. I am not looking forward to being there and he doesnt show up like at korys graduation from saltsprings:(. At the very least I will get to see Jade, that will put a big smile on my face!
O.K enough what ifs...and I hopes. I will just wait and see. God I MISS my kids.
Him and Broady stayed home. Lisa ( Broadys mother told me). I have to admit I was very disapointed when I found out.I really thought that he would be excited to go.I have to wonder if having to be at school early and needing a ride there had anything to do with it??? Guess I wont find out unless I ask mom to ask Dustan next time she sees them.
I cant wait till their Prom!! :) Kory is going with a girlfriend. I cant wait to see him,even if it is from my car.I will have to zoom in on my camera to see him.This is his first girlfriend.Im so happy for him but I cant help to feel sad because im missing out on hearing him talk about her and seeing his face full of pride.
Im also looking sooo forward to Dustans graduation on the 25th.I hope he goes to it. I am not looking forward to being there and he doesnt show up like at korys graduation from saltsprings:(. At the very least I will get to see Jade, that will put a big smile on my face!
O.K enough what ifs...and I hopes. I will just wait and see. God I MISS my kids.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Death Sentance
Its been quite a while since I last wrote.There hasent been alot of contact in the last month.Most of that time the phone at the trailor was cut off so I couldnt call the trailor at night like I use to.It has just been hooked up in the last two weeks.But I havent called it except for tonight.
I spoke to mathew on line two nights ago and he told me that Kory was going to the prom.At lunch tme today at work I decided to go to Zellars and get him a pair of derss pants and a dress shirt and tie for it.I went to the trailor around 5:30 to give it to him and all hell broke loose.Mathew and the kids were there,and mathew came out of the living room and started yelling at me with the same vulger phrases as always.Of corse Dustan was right in tune with him.Kory just went to the sink and started doing the dishes.I knew I should have just turned and left but I felt like i was on trial and pleading for my life.They were running me down for everything they could think of,from being a whore,being just like rhonda,being a terriable mother,telling me mom and joel paid my was and took care of me,blamed me for not giving them money,acussing me of sleeping with Mike and his father Donnie and all the men how worked at the mill.You name it ..I was called it. I just couldnt leave for some reason..I wanted to but my feet wouldnt let me.Dustan told me that he was happy I was gone because I was a "fucken shitty mother" and he was happy now because he "had the life now".I was nothing but a nagging bitch and he was glad i was gone.
I told him "someday you will look back and remember how much I fought for you both then mabie you will understan what it is to love your children" he told me "im NEVER having any, you ruined that!"
Thats when mathew told me "u think they will grow up and want to see you??? Your so wrong!! Your days are numbered!! Both of yours are!! and as soon as they(the kids) are on their own you will both get whats comming to you!!!"
I asked him what he ment(even tho I was pretty sure I knew what he ment) But again he said "your days are numbered..enjoy them together while you can!"
The whole time he was teling me this I was scared to death because i knew exactly what he ment but i wasent going to let him see it in my face.I said to him ..."what are you going to do hide in the shadows then pounce like the coward you are?? He said,calmly," no....Im not worried about getting caught, thats why im waiting till they are gone and moved out"
I looked at him and said Im calling the cops and telling them you just threatned my life.He told me go ahead..im calling them too because u are here hurassing us.
I left and thought Iif I called the police then they would call CAS and they would take the kids for sure and i couldnt make the call because they would just put them in foster care then give them back to him and the kids would blame me again with nothing being accomplished. I drove back to the trailor and told mathew "I didnt call because of CAS , they will take the kids" He said "I didnt eather" I told him " I want to Sooooo bad because you deserve it ,but the kids are the ones who will suffer yeat again and I cant do that to them" I left and went to work.
While I was at work I couldnt stop playing everything over and over in my mind. I realised what he was saying about the kids being gone before he came for me.He is plannin on killing me and Joel when the kids are gone from home because then they wont need me and he will be alone.I truley believe he is sick enough to lay and wait for this.I also believe he told me hes not worried about geting caught because he plans on killing himself afterwards.Thats why he is saying "when the kids are gone" If they arnt there for him anymore and theres no worries in his mind that they will need me then he sees no point in living..and that goes for me and joel too.I am taking tis threat very searious! If after 3 years he is still as meesed up as he is I truly believe he will never change.I have been telling EVERYONE that since I left in 2007.
Now I have to caerfully decide what to.
I spoke to mathew on line two nights ago and he told me that Kory was going to the prom.At lunch tme today at work I decided to go to Zellars and get him a pair of derss pants and a dress shirt and tie for it.I went to the trailor around 5:30 to give it to him and all hell broke loose.Mathew and the kids were there,and mathew came out of the living room and started yelling at me with the same vulger phrases as always.Of corse Dustan was right in tune with him.Kory just went to the sink and started doing the dishes.I knew I should have just turned and left but I felt like i was on trial and pleading for my life.They were running me down for everything they could think of,from being a whore,being just like rhonda,being a terriable mother,telling me mom and joel paid my was and took care of me,blamed me for not giving them money,acussing me of sleeping with Mike and his father Donnie and all the men how worked at the mill.You name it ..I was called it. I just couldnt leave for some reason..I wanted to but my feet wouldnt let me.Dustan told me that he was happy I was gone because I was a "fucken shitty mother" and he was happy now because he "had the life now".I was nothing but a nagging bitch and he was glad i was gone.
I told him "someday you will look back and remember how much I fought for you both then mabie you will understan what it is to love your children" he told me "im NEVER having any, you ruined that!"
Thats when mathew told me "u think they will grow up and want to see you??? Your so wrong!! Your days are numbered!! Both of yours are!! and as soon as they(the kids) are on their own you will both get whats comming to you!!!"
I asked him what he ment(even tho I was pretty sure I knew what he ment) But again he said "your days are numbered..enjoy them together while you can!"
The whole time he was teling me this I was scared to death because i knew exactly what he ment but i wasent going to let him see it in my face.I said to him ..."what are you going to do hide in the shadows then pounce like the coward you are?? He said,calmly," no....Im not worried about getting caught, thats why im waiting till they are gone and moved out"
I looked at him and said Im calling the cops and telling them you just threatned my life.He told me go ahead..im calling them too because u are here hurassing us.
I left and thought Iif I called the police then they would call CAS and they would take the kids for sure and i couldnt make the call because they would just put them in foster care then give them back to him and the kids would blame me again with nothing being accomplished. I drove back to the trailor and told mathew "I didnt call because of CAS , they will take the kids" He said "I didnt eather" I told him " I want to Sooooo bad because you deserve it ,but the kids are the ones who will suffer yeat again and I cant do that to them" I left and went to work.
While I was at work I couldnt stop playing everything over and over in my mind. I realised what he was saying about the kids being gone before he came for me.He is plannin on killing me and Joel when the kids are gone from home because then they wont need me and he will be alone.I truley believe he is sick enough to lay and wait for this.I also believe he told me hes not worried about geting caught because he plans on killing himself afterwards.Thats why he is saying "when the kids are gone" If they arnt there for him anymore and theres no worries in his mind that they will need me then he sees no point in living..and that goes for me and joel too.I am taking tis threat very searious! If after 3 years he is still as meesed up as he is I truly believe he will never change.I have been telling EVERYONE that since I left in 2007.
Now I have to caerfully decide what to.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Mom went to see the boys
Mom called me today around 5pm. She decided to go out to the trailor to see the boys.
She said she met Mathew driving by her on the way out.
When she got there the Kids were there and they told her Mathew just left.
They went to Subway and then went and got Nanny Ellsworth for an ice cream.(I went to her house earlier this morning to change a light bulb in her bedroom for her).
Mom told me she stopped at Walmart for Dust ,and Kory went in for him and got on line cards for the PS3 for him.
She told me she asked them how she could call them and Dust told her that she would have to waite till they went to a friends house to call her.(this just proves that they dont have a phone at the trailor)He told her that he was going to try and call he before she arived out today.
I wish I would have had some treats made up for them b4 mom went to see them today.I will have to make some up and put them in the frezzer so the next time she goes out I can give them to her and she can give them to them.
She said she met Mathew driving by her on the way out.
When she got there the Kids were there and they told her Mathew just left.
They went to Subway and then went and got Nanny Ellsworth for an ice cream.(I went to her house earlier this morning to change a light bulb in her bedroom for her).
Mom told me she stopped at Walmart for Dust ,and Kory went in for him and got on line cards for the PS3 for him.
She told me she asked them how she could call them and Dust told her that she would have to waite till they went to a friends house to call her.(this just proves that they dont have a phone at the trailor)He told her that he was going to try and call he before she arived out today.
I wish I would have had some treats made up for them b4 mom went to see them today.I will have to make some up and put them in the frezzer so the next time she goes out I can give them to her and she can give them to them.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
just another day
Nothing new to post really,just wanted to make an entry.
I spent most of the day on Sat with Yvonne ,Olivia and J.I went to watch he play her fist game of soccoer (it was a social gathering for her! :) )Then I met them at thier houe and J helped me to lay George to rest.
One Sunsday (mothers Day) I decided that I needed to think up something new to do with Mom for Mothers Day since the Boys arnt with me any more.So I decided that joining Mom at church would be her perfect gift.
I met her there and could see the happines in her face when she saw me.I was a fitting service for families and brought a tear to my eyes more than once(even tho Im not a religious person).
Mom asked me down to her house for dinner(first time i was there since Gary put her out....I bit my toung and agreeded to go...for her) I was happy to spend some time with her together.I even got to see her on the treadmill :) and she set up the MP3 player I gave her for mothers day so she will have music when shes on it.
I worked at 7 on monday at the hos.I called Donnie at 6:45 and takkled to Layne for a min b4 i went in to work(he had just picked them up at the airport.
Today I decided i needed to get my car in to the garage to get the wheel baring replaced.Joel took me to drop it off.I went to work at the mill around 5:30 and tried to call Mike on the way there but he was at his moms for dinner.On my way home from the mill I had a yearning to see the Boys so I went out to the trailor.Mathew wasent home(no car in the driveway) I knoched on the door...no answer(I could hear the Boys inside) but neather one came to the door.I did hear Dustans voice but couldnt tell what he said. I could see Kork on the comp through the window as I was walking down the steps.I dont know if he was on line or just on a game on the comp itself.I nocked at the window and said I love you ,but he ignored me as i said it walking down the steps.I said I love you again as I walked by the back bedroom window,no response.I got in my car and left the park.
It plays with my mind every second of the day to think that they are there every night alone.I know that they are smart, responsable,good Boys,But i cant help to be worried.I know that I worie about them being there alone...but...I am also Sooooooooo proud of how responsable they have been. They are soooooo young to be home alone with out anything happening.I am VERY PROUD of them!!!!! I know they want everyone to see how can "take care of themselves " but I know in my heart...they still need what MOM can give them! I MISS making them supper,and sitting at the table and sharing it with them.I miss hearing about their day at school.I misss teling them to brush their teeth b4 bed.And most of all I miss Tucking them in as their day comes to an end and telling them how much I love them.
I miss them soooooooooooooooooooo much,and Jade too.
I will wake up tomorrow but I will not be the me I should,why...because the ones I truly love will not be near.I still love you tho,no matter what.That will never change...EVER. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo Jade,Dustan..Kory
I spent most of the day on Sat with Yvonne ,Olivia and J.I went to watch he play her fist game of soccoer (it was a social gathering for her! :) )Then I met them at thier houe and J helped me to lay George to rest.
One Sunsday (mothers Day) I decided that I needed to think up something new to do with Mom for Mothers Day since the Boys arnt with me any more.So I decided that joining Mom at church would be her perfect gift.
I met her there and could see the happines in her face when she saw me.I was a fitting service for families and brought a tear to my eyes more than once(even tho Im not a religious person).
Mom asked me down to her house for dinner(first time i was there since Gary put her out....I bit my toung and agreeded to go...for her) I was happy to spend some time with her together.I even got to see her on the treadmill :) and she set up the MP3 player I gave her for mothers day so she will have music when shes on it.
I worked at 7 on monday at the hos.I called Donnie at 6:45 and takkled to Layne for a min b4 i went in to work(he had just picked them up at the airport.
Today I decided i needed to get my car in to the garage to get the wheel baring replaced.Joel took me to drop it off.I went to work at the mill around 5:30 and tried to call Mike on the way there but he was at his moms for dinner.On my way home from the mill I had a yearning to see the Boys so I went out to the trailor.Mathew wasent home(no car in the driveway) I knoched on the door...no answer(I could hear the Boys inside) but neather one came to the door.I did hear Dustans voice but couldnt tell what he said. I could see Kork on the comp through the window as I was walking down the steps.I dont know if he was on line or just on a game on the comp itself.I nocked at the window and said I love you ,but he ignored me as i said it walking down the steps.I said I love you again as I walked by the back bedroom window,no response.I got in my car and left the park.
It plays with my mind every second of the day to think that they are there every night alone.I know that they are smart, responsable,good Boys,But i cant help to be worried.I know that I worie about them being there alone...but...I am also Sooooooooo proud of how responsable they have been. They are soooooo young to be home alone with out anything happening.I am VERY PROUD of them!!!!! I know they want everyone to see how can "take care of themselves " but I know in my heart...they still need what MOM can give them! I MISS making them supper,and sitting at the table and sharing it with them.I miss hearing about their day at school.I misss teling them to brush their teeth b4 bed.And most of all I miss Tucking them in as their day comes to an end and telling them how much I love them.
I miss them soooooooooooooooooooo much,and Jade too.
I will wake up tomorrow but I will not be the me I should,why...because the ones I truly love will not be near.I still love you tho,no matter what.That will never change...EVER. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo Jade,Dustan..Kory
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Saying good bye is never easy,even when its the right thing to do.
Today wasent the best day. I had to say good bye to George today. I have been hoping he would get better but I knew in my heart that he wouldnt. Its been over 3 weeks now since I had him into the vet and been on antibotics.
I called Yvonne and asked if she would be able to come with me when I took him in,she said "of course" It wasent easy. One thing that helped was that the doctor assured me that it wasent an absess like we originally assumed and had treated. It was obvious to the Dr. that it was a tumor.She set my mind at ease when she told me there really wasent anything that could be done for him.So even tho I hated to put him to sleep I knew for sure that I couldnt help him get better no matter how much money I spent.
Yvonne offered to burry him at her place.This made me feel better too because I was worried about that since I rent. I am going to take him out tomorrow to her house.I have a big rock that Dustan took home one day when he was at the bridge swimming.He thought he seen gold in it so he took it home. I am going to use it as Georges grave stone.
Its not going to be the same going to bed.Its already too quiet here now. No matter how late I stayed up,he always waited for me to go to bed until he went, and he would stay in bed with me till I got up,no matter how late that was eather. :)
I will miss U Georgie. Love u Big Guy, You were a Good Boy! xoxoxoxoxo
I called Yvonne and asked if she would be able to come with me when I took him in,she said "of course" It wasent easy. One thing that helped was that the doctor assured me that it wasent an absess like we originally assumed and had treated. It was obvious to the Dr. that it was a tumor.She set my mind at ease when she told me there really wasent anything that could be done for him.So even tho I hated to put him to sleep I knew for sure that I couldnt help him get better no matter how much money I spent.
Yvonne offered to burry him at her place.This made me feel better too because I was worried about that since I rent. I am going to take him out tomorrow to her house.I have a big rock that Dustan took home one day when he was at the bridge swimming.He thought he seen gold in it so he took it home. I am going to use it as Georges grave stone.
Its not going to be the same going to bed.Its already too quiet here now. No matter how late I stayed up,he always waited for me to go to bed until he went, and he would stay in bed with me till I got up,no matter how late that was eather. :)
I will miss U Georgie. Love u Big Guy, You were a Good Boy! xoxoxoxoxo
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Not how I wanted to see the kids. :(
I have been having a real hard time making this decision. Its not an easy one even tho its the only one i can make. Poor George isent getting any better with his absess.hes been on 3 different antibotics over the last 3 weeks now and none seem to be helping him.I have spoke to the vet and to have his tooth removed will cost between 400 to 1200 dollars. It breaks my heart to think it comes down to money but it does.I have already spent over 300 on his meds and soft food (which is what caused the prob to begin with I believe). I cant see him suffer for much longer.He loosing weight and is having a hard time eating.
On sat afternoon I decided to take him over to the trailor so that the Boys could see him. When I got there mathews car wasent there,but the kids were home.I nocked at the door then opened it.Kory was there in the kitchen and rolled his eyes and walked into the living room. I followed him and told him why I was there.I told him that George wasent geting any better and I had him with me because I thought they would want to see him because they might not have a chance to again.He just looked at me with out saying a word.
I asked if Dustan was in the bed room and he said he was. I went in and Dust said " oh my god" (with scarcasim) I told him I wasent there for me I was there so they could see George. I told Dust what I had told Kory and said "Ill wait in the car for a bit if u want to see him" Kory said immeadiatly "take him in and leave him here for a bit and you go" I said right away "ok" kory looked up at me as if surprised i agreed.I went out and took George in.I reminded Kory that he might be a little scared till he remembered where he was so I told him to talk to him so he could hear his voice. I went and told Dust I would be back in an hour to pick him back up and he said "ok".
I came back home and waited till 4 to go get him.At 4 I headed back to the trailor praying Mathew would still be away and he was.When i got there kory was still on the couch but George was sitting on the chair.I asked kory if he spent time with him? He said he tried but he wouldnt stay on the couch.I took George over and sat there with Kory and we patted him together.I told him that when he left my house George stayed under the chair in the living room for almost 3 months.I told him George loved him, he said he did too. I took him in to see Dust. I asked him if he seen him.He told me " when u wernt here i did" I took George up and sat on the bed with Dust.Dustan looked at me and said " why dont u just take him to the vet and fix him!" I told him i have been trying but hes not getting better. He questioned me and said " they must be able to do something?" I told him " I know it sounds mean Dust, but I just dont have the amount of money it costs" he asked how much and i told him. I told him that I was having a hard time thinking about having to put him to sleep,but i told him " its not right to let him be in pain or to let him be hungry" George was sitting right beside him and he was patting him.I apoligized to him that this was happening but I told him I understood how he felt because I was sad too.
Kory asked dustan for him camera but dust said it was in the car.I told Kory that i sent him pis of him and George on hotmail.He said "we dont have the internet" I said it was ok ,i still have the pics any time he wanted them.(I also noticed that the T.V was off too.It was off even when i was there dropping george off. I think that the phone was cut off now because mathew has the bundle with phone ,internet,and cable,it makes sence now that I know its not just the phone thats not in service).
I picked up george and let the kids give him one last pat then told them I loved them and that George did too. Then I left for home.
The worst part of the whole visit was that I couldnt hug them.I know my boys and if all this nasty, hatefull,mean, brainwashing, hadent been done to them by mathew, I would have been able to be there for them if they wanted to talk about it ,and hug them. I am happy i had the chance to take him over so they could see him without mathew being there because i know he wouldnt have let me in if he was home.
Its sad,we have ALWAYS had pets.The kids have always been animal lovers and now they have none. :(
On sat afternoon I decided to take him over to the trailor so that the Boys could see him. When I got there mathews car wasent there,but the kids were home.I nocked at the door then opened it.Kory was there in the kitchen and rolled his eyes and walked into the living room. I followed him and told him why I was there.I told him that George wasent geting any better and I had him with me because I thought they would want to see him because they might not have a chance to again.He just looked at me with out saying a word.
I asked if Dustan was in the bed room and he said he was. I went in and Dust said " oh my god" (with scarcasim) I told him I wasent there for me I was there so they could see George. I told Dust what I had told Kory and said "Ill wait in the car for a bit if u want to see him" Kory said immeadiatly "take him in and leave him here for a bit and you go" I said right away "ok" kory looked up at me as if surprised i agreed.I went out and took George in.I reminded Kory that he might be a little scared till he remembered where he was so I told him to talk to him so he could hear his voice. I went and told Dust I would be back in an hour to pick him back up and he said "ok".
I came back home and waited till 4 to go get him.At 4 I headed back to the trailor praying Mathew would still be away and he was.When i got there kory was still on the couch but George was sitting on the chair.I asked kory if he spent time with him? He said he tried but he wouldnt stay on the couch.I took George over and sat there with Kory and we patted him together.I told him that when he left my house George stayed under the chair in the living room for almost 3 months.I told him George loved him, he said he did too. I took him in to see Dust. I asked him if he seen him.He told me " when u wernt here i did" I took George up and sat on the bed with Dust.Dustan looked at me and said " why dont u just take him to the vet and fix him!" I told him i have been trying but hes not getting better. He questioned me and said " they must be able to do something?" I told him " I know it sounds mean Dust, but I just dont have the amount of money it costs" he asked how much and i told him. I told him that I was having a hard time thinking about having to put him to sleep,but i told him " its not right to let him be in pain or to let him be hungry" George was sitting right beside him and he was patting him.I apoligized to him that this was happening but I told him I understood how he felt because I was sad too.
Kory asked dustan for him camera but dust said it was in the car.I told Kory that i sent him pis of him and George on hotmail.He said "we dont have the internet" I said it was ok ,i still have the pics any time he wanted them.(I also noticed that the T.V was off too.It was off even when i was there dropping george off. I think that the phone was cut off now because mathew has the bundle with phone ,internet,and cable,it makes sence now that I know its not just the phone thats not in service).
I picked up george and let the kids give him one last pat then told them I loved them and that George did too. Then I left for home.
The worst part of the whole visit was that I couldnt hug them.I know my boys and if all this nasty, hatefull,mean, brainwashing, hadent been done to them by mathew, I would have been able to be there for them if they wanted to talk about it ,and hug them. I am happy i had the chance to take him over so they could see him without mathew being there because i know he wouldnt have let me in if he was home.
Its sad,we have ALWAYS had pets.The kids have always been animal lovers and now they have none. :(
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Finaly a good day
Today was a good day.Yvonne called me around 10:30 and invited me out for the day. Before I left I called the kids school to see if Dustan was going.I spoke to Mrs.Turner and she said he was there today.She told me he didnt go at all last week.She said he took the special needs bus today but was only there for 2 classes befor lunch, then was taken home. She was happy that he was at least comming for some of the day.I was too.(even tho i know Mathew could drive him himself!) She told me to call anytime if I had any concerns.I thanked her.
I spent the day at Yvonnes with her and Olivia.I loved it! We red books,colored,sang songs,danced and had a great day!
I recieved an E-mail from Val Rule letting me know she had an poening on May 4 at 10:30 if I could make it.I returned the message to let her know I will be there.(Im dissapointed its the same day as court because what we discuss on that day will not be herd by the judge on the day of court on the 4th)
I spoke to Mom this evening and she told me that her and nan didnt get out to see The boys.She tried to call Broady to get him to let the boys know she couldnt make it but she didnt get a hold of him.I told he that he was prob at the trailor with the boys.Since mom doesnt have the # to the traiolr she couldnt call them and tell the kids she couldnt come.
Over all I had a good day.No tears,lots of smiles!
I spent the day at Yvonnes with her and Olivia.I loved it! We red books,colored,sang songs,danced and had a great day!
I recieved an E-mail from Val Rule letting me know she had an poening on May 4 at 10:30 if I could make it.I returned the message to let her know I will be there.(Im dissapointed its the same day as court because what we discuss on that day will not be herd by the judge on the day of court on the 4th)
I spoke to Mom this evening and she told me that her and nan didnt get out to see The boys.She tried to call Broady to get him to let the boys know she couldnt make it but she didnt get a hold of him.I told he that he was prob at the trailor with the boys.Since mom doesnt have the # to the traiolr she couldnt call them and tell the kids she couldnt come.
Over all I had a good day.No tears,lots of smiles!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Sobeys meeting
When I got off work at the hospital at 3 today I went to cas to see if the papers were ready for me. The lady at the window said there was nothing there for me and another women went to tell amy i was there.Amy came down and asked me to come in a room.She asked my if i spoke to anyone the other day?I told her i didnt, she then asked me if i was seeing the boys and i told her i wasent there to talk. I told he was there to get the papers i requested.She told me she didnt know what i ment.(Grrrrrrrr)She said that she didnt get any papers from me.I explained i droped them off last tuesday.She told me there were a pile on her desk and she must not have gotton to them yet. I told her i wasent upset with her personally but It is my right to have a copy of all information cas has pertaining to my kids.I told her all it takes is to look in my file, find sept 2009, load the copier and hit copy! She told me she would have to speek to her superviser and it would take time. I told her it shouldnt because the judge put in the order so theres no question,I am intitled.She questioned why my lawyer wasent getting them.I told her "It is my right and I want them" she asked Whats ur number we can reach you at? I told her "the same number u have had on file for the past 3 years! "there are procedured I need to follow" I told her "well its because of this agencies procedures that kids fall through the cracks" I turned and left.
I stopped for gas when i left then went to sobeys on the west side. As I got out i seen mathews car and seen Dustan in the front seat.I went to the bank and tried to hold in my emotions.I could feel the tears welling up. I left the bank and went to the car.Him and kory both locked their doors. I asked "were u in school? ( it was only 3:05 and thats exactly when school gets out. Neithor one answered.Both were avoiding eye contact and were actually smirking and giggling. I went to walk away and seen that mathews window was open so i went up and asked again why they wernt in school?Kory was scartisticly laughing.I told him " i really dont see whats funny" He pointed to the radio ( they were listing to howard stern and matews searious radio...nice)
Dustan looked at me and said "i cant wait till court your going to get a rude awaking,just wait and see!" I could hear mathew comming right out of his mouth.I said "really,why?" He told me "youll see what the syckristic tells u!" I had to change the subject back.
I asked Dustan "i thought u told nanny kean u were geting the bus to school? He wouldnt answer. I looked at them both and said.This is rong guys,I just want to be ur mom,i miss.Dustan was rolling his eyes and i said I just want to be there like i always was.Dustan said "you wernt here for the lsat 3 years and we are fine with out you" I told him I have wanted to i have tried but you wont give me a chance unless you father says its ok. Dustan told me "u just wanted dad for his money cause now you have nanny kean and joel paying your way" I asked him "who am i speaking to??" I looked at Kory and he was gigling under his breath.I looked at them and said "I look after me! and i did since the day I left" Dustan told me "nanny said she paid ur rent" I told him "the only time she gave me money was when she was living with me,we shared the bills" I was feeling like I was argueing with mathew..2 of him.
I told the 2 of them I want nothing more than to have the chance to finish being ur mom. I raised u both because I wanted to..kory interupted me saying"u never raised us!"
Just then Mathew came out and seen me,he had a calm,sneeky,milishious look on his face.I asked if they were in school? he ignored me, smirking all the time.I asked again,still no answer.Then he told me calmly "were done with you" I told him he was mean,low,selfish and a few more choice words.He said "go be with ur looser were done with you" I told him ANY man is better than you. Ur a lowlife.
I walked into sobeys lost in my thoughts and needed to get myself together.I could feel the tears comming again.I made it out and sat in the car and cried. I came home and laied on the couch and cried more.Mom called at 4:48.I told he what happened.I went and washed up and went to the mill.
I stopped for gas when i left then went to sobeys on the west side. As I got out i seen mathews car and seen Dustan in the front seat.I went to the bank and tried to hold in my emotions.I could feel the tears welling up. I left the bank and went to the car.Him and kory both locked their doors. I asked "were u in school? ( it was only 3:05 and thats exactly when school gets out. Neithor one answered.Both were avoiding eye contact and were actually smirking and giggling. I went to walk away and seen that mathews window was open so i went up and asked again why they wernt in school?Kory was scartisticly laughing.I told him " i really dont see whats funny" He pointed to the radio ( they were listing to howard stern and matews searious radio...nice)
Dustan looked at me and said "i cant wait till court your going to get a rude awaking,just wait and see!" I could hear mathew comming right out of his mouth.I said "really,why?" He told me "youll see what the syckristic tells u!" I had to change the subject back.
I asked Dustan "i thought u told nanny kean u were geting the bus to school? He wouldnt answer. I looked at them both and said.This is rong guys,I just want to be ur mom,i miss.Dustan was rolling his eyes and i said I just want to be there like i always was.Dustan said "you wernt here for the lsat 3 years and we are fine with out you" I told him I have wanted to i have tried but you wont give me a chance unless you father says its ok. Dustan told me "u just wanted dad for his money cause now you have nanny kean and joel paying your way" I asked him "who am i speaking to??" I looked at Kory and he was gigling under his breath.I looked at them and said "I look after me! and i did since the day I left" Dustan told me "nanny said she paid ur rent" I told him "the only time she gave me money was when she was living with me,we shared the bills" I was feeling like I was argueing with mathew..2 of him.
I told the 2 of them I want nothing more than to have the chance to finish being ur mom. I raised u both because I wanted to..kory interupted me saying"u never raised us!"
Just then Mathew came out and seen me,he had a calm,sneeky,milishious look on his face.I asked if they were in school? he ignored me, smirking all the time.I asked again,still no answer.Then he told me calmly "were done with you" I told him he was mean,low,selfish and a few more choice words.He said "go be with ur looser were done with you" I told him ANY man is better than you. Ur a lowlife.
I walked into sobeys lost in my thoughts and needed to get myself together.I could feel the tears comming again.I made it out and sat in the car and cried. I came home and laied on the couch and cried more.Mom called at 4:48.I told he what happened.I went and washed up and went to the mill.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
It just keeps going!
I just tried to call the boys,its been a few nights since i called to say good night.But tonight when i did the operator came on and said the number was disconected. Real nice when there are two kids home all night alone.One with a full leg cast on.God help him if anything happens and they need to call for help!! I called nan to get her to try and call to see if she gets the same thing and she said she tried to call yesterday to see how Dustan was and she got the same thing.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
...continue
Mathew told dust he would take the car around for him.Mom,Dust and I waited .I tried to talk to dustan but he was keeping up the tough guy sho. I told Him " I will not see joel anymore if u will give me a chance" He told me "how would i know?" I told him we would have to figureit out but I also wasent going to go back to his dad.I told him I would do it for him and Kory,only him and kory.Just then mathew pulled up out front.
Dustan went out to get into the car and mathew started telling me he was going to CAS then the cops.I told him To go ahead. I alos told him "make sure he gets to school!!" Dustan gave me the finger and mathew told me to "go to hell".
Mom and I said good bye and i thanked her for getting him there.
I decided to go and see if he went to CAS and he did.Dustan was in the car and he was inside. I went in too and stood against the wall,out of his view. Harvie battes seen us and waived.I kept a stern face.Bonnie mullens was there too and gave me a smile,She didnt recieve one in return.Kirston schoust was there too. I began to think 'what am i doing here'.
In the room right behind me was a little boy who was crying and saying "i dont want to talk,keave me alone", my heart began to sink.I herd him say " I guess were going to be up for adoption now" He couldnt have been more than ten if that. That was the last straw!
I walked over to mathew and said."before u decide to involve this pathedic organisation again,listen to what that poor little boy is going through! Dont do that to our boys again just so u can get away with what u have done!! After i told him that I left. Looked at dust as i left and mouthed "i love you"
I drove to legal aid and got in to see kathy.I told her of the days events and got copies of the court order stating I was legally intitled to any and all information theat CAS has on the boys.I took them back to cas and left them for Amy Southerland with a message telling her i wanted a copy of them all fron sept 2009 untill present and i would be back on friday to pick them up.Mathew was not there when i returned.
I went to work soon after i got home and e-mailed val rule before i went to bed because she is suposto see mathew and the boys soon.I want to meet with her again because its been since dec since we talked and there has been alot that has gone on since then.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. I wish today would have been better.I really feel bad for Dust.Another 5 weeks with the cast.Im sooo pissed Mathew is being....mathew!! I told him I would drive dust and pick him up from school if i wasent working but he wont even let me do that.
He sooo wants to make sure hes in the 80's club when he leaves W.P.I hope this doesnt hinder that.I hope Mathew gets him to school.
I feel like me life for the past 18 years have been largely Hopes and wishes.Something need to happen!
Dustan went out to get into the car and mathew started telling me he was going to CAS then the cops.I told him To go ahead. I alos told him "make sure he gets to school!!" Dustan gave me the finger and mathew told me to "go to hell".
Mom and I said good bye and i thanked her for getting him there.
I decided to go and see if he went to CAS and he did.Dustan was in the car and he was inside. I went in too and stood against the wall,out of his view. Harvie battes seen us and waived.I kept a stern face.Bonnie mullens was there too and gave me a smile,She didnt recieve one in return.Kirston schoust was there too. I began to think 'what am i doing here'.
In the room right behind me was a little boy who was crying and saying "i dont want to talk,keave me alone", my heart began to sink.I herd him say " I guess were going to be up for adoption now" He couldnt have been more than ten if that. That was the last straw!
I walked over to mathew and said."before u decide to involve this pathedic organisation again,listen to what that poor little boy is going through! Dont do that to our boys again just so u can get away with what u have done!! After i told him that I left. Looked at dust as i left and mouthed "i love you"
I drove to legal aid and got in to see kathy.I told her of the days events and got copies of the court order stating I was legally intitled to any and all information theat CAS has on the boys.I took them back to cas and left them for Amy Southerland with a message telling her i wanted a copy of them all fron sept 2009 untill present and i would be back on friday to pick them up.Mathew was not there when i returned.
I went to work soon after i got home and e-mailed val rule before i went to bed because she is suposto see mathew and the boys soon.I want to meet with her again because its been since dec since we talked and there has been alot that has gone on since then.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. I wish today would have been better.I really feel bad for Dust.Another 5 weeks with the cast.Im sooo pissed Mathew is being....mathew!! I told him I would drive dust and pick him up from school if i wasent working but he wont even let me do that.
He sooo wants to make sure hes in the 80's club when he leaves W.P.I hope this doesnt hinder that.I hope Mathew gets him to school.
I feel like me life for the past 18 years have been largely Hopes and wishes.Something need to happen!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
April 20,2010
Today was not a suprise but another dissapointment for my kids for sure! Dustan had a scedualed appt at 10am to see the ortho Doctor.I went to the traiolr on Fri and told Mathew about it,and he bitched about him having to sleep and he couldnt do Day time appoints.I told him I could take him to it but when he flipped on me on sat he told me "not to worrie,Ill take care of it..we were fine without u for 3 years, well be fine now"
First thing tis morning (9:30am)I called the traiolr.No answer.At 10:30 my mind got the better of me and I drove in to the hos to see if his car was there.It wasent.I drove to the trailor to see what happened.I seen him walking from the bathroom in the front window and knocked,with no answer.I knocked 2 more times then went in.He (mathew) was laying on the couch, I asked "what happened at the appt? No answer.I asked again...he told me "u gave up all right 3 years ago.I asked again.He told me he was going to see CAS and I said" why because u need someone to help u get away with what ur doing?" I again asked "what happened at the appt? Did u go?" He wouldnt answer me with a straight answer so I left.
I went home and checked the phone and there was a message from the ortho clinic telling me Dustan wasent there but if he came b4 3pm they could see him. I called jane to try and calm myself down. We decided If i went to school and tried to get him to go if my mom toook him,that would be the best thing.
I went to the school at 12:50 and spoke to the principal and he told me Dustan wasent there.He told me about mathew going to see him the day b4 to see if there was transportation to get him to and from school.I informed Mr Boutlier that his fathew was capiable od doing that for him.But told him he felt his sleep was more important I also told him about Mathew not getting him to his appointment.He expressed dissaprovial but unfortunatialy he cant do much.At least the school is aware.
I went out to my car and called my Mother.Its now 12:30. I explained what was going on to her and she agreed to try and go take him to the appt.I told her I called and they said if he got there b4 3pm he would be seen.They said they really thought he sould come in because if he didnt he couldnt bee seen until next tuesday.I told Mom I would meet them at the hos.I went into the hos.
Mom called me at 1:13pm from a pay phone at the store down the road from the trailor telling me she went to the trailor and Dustan said mathew took him to the appt.He told her he was sleepy but he went.He wouldnt go with her.I told her he was lieing and the clinic said he wasent there.I asked her to try again and that I was going to talk to them myself.She said she would.
I went to see the nurse and explained what was going on and she confirmed dustan was not there for his appt.I told he my mom was trying to get him in to see them and told her If they come they should be here soon.She was very good and told me to let her know what was going on.
I waited looking out the window until at 1:46 i saw mom drive up to the hos...without Dust.She said he wouldnt come if I was going to be here. Just then Mathew drove up and let Dustan out of the car and went to park it. I waited and when he came in they ignored me and asked the comissionar where the phisio was.Shows how much he knew! I told him he was going to the wrong place He needed to go to the 4th floor to see the Ortho Dr.He followed, with much hesation. I had to go back down to pre regester Dustan with central bookin then took the paper work up to the clinic.
We go into see the Dr very quick.They called Dustans name,I falowed..mathew legged behind us. The Dr asked if we knew he was suposto be there at 10 and I spoke up "Yes they knew" Mathew pipped up and said "we didnt come because we knew she would be here" (he looked like an ass!)
The Dr told us Dustan needed to be in a new cast for another 5 weeks. Dustan started complaining it was taking too long and I reminded him " if ur dad took u at 10 this morning when he was suposto u would have been in and out" "just be gald they made time to see you" Neither Dustan or Mathew said a word. Then Dust said "wonder what they would do If i just got up and walked out??" I said " probably take u right into surgery Dustan..enough!"
The man came in and put Dustans new cast on (asking one of us to help, I hesateted because I was sure dustan would object to me helping with Mathew right there..but he didnt volientare,and in sure the dr senced it so he said "dad can u help?" Mathew did. He told him " im sure u wont miss the next app because it will be to get it off!. He gave me the papers to take to central booking.
As we were leaving I gave the papers to mathew and told him "u can make the appt. I still went with him. When we giot ther the lady asked "when is bes for the appt?" I told mathew " ask for the latest appt!" He did.May 25 at 3:20.
First thing tis morning (9:30am)I called the traiolr.No answer.At 10:30 my mind got the better of me and I drove in to the hos to see if his car was there.It wasent.I drove to the trailor to see what happened.I seen him walking from the bathroom in the front window and knocked,with no answer.I knocked 2 more times then went in.He (mathew) was laying on the couch, I asked "what happened at the appt? No answer.I asked again...he told me "u gave up all right 3 years ago.I asked again.He told me he was going to see CAS and I said" why because u need someone to help u get away with what ur doing?" I again asked "what happened at the appt? Did u go?" He wouldnt answer me with a straight answer so I left.
I went home and checked the phone and there was a message from the ortho clinic telling me Dustan wasent there but if he came b4 3pm they could see him. I called jane to try and calm myself down. We decided If i went to school and tried to get him to go if my mom toook him,that would be the best thing.
I went to the school at 12:50 and spoke to the principal and he told me Dustan wasent there.He told me about mathew going to see him the day b4 to see if there was transportation to get him to and from school.I informed Mr Boutlier that his fathew was capiable od doing that for him.But told him he felt his sleep was more important I also told him about Mathew not getting him to his appointment.He expressed dissaprovial but unfortunatialy he cant do much.At least the school is aware.
I went out to my car and called my Mother.Its now 12:30. I explained what was going on to her and she agreed to try and go take him to the appt.I told her I called and they said if he got there b4 3pm he would be seen.They said they really thought he sould come in because if he didnt he couldnt bee seen until next tuesday.I told Mom I would meet them at the hos.I went into the hos.
Mom called me at 1:13pm from a pay phone at the store down the road from the trailor telling me she went to the trailor and Dustan said mathew took him to the appt.He told her he was sleepy but he went.He wouldnt go with her.I told her he was lieing and the clinic said he wasent there.I asked her to try again and that I was going to talk to them myself.She said she would.
I went to see the nurse and explained what was going on and she confirmed dustan was not there for his appt.I told he my mom was trying to get him in to see them and told her If they come they should be here soon.She was very good and told me to let her know what was going on.
I waited looking out the window until at 1:46 i saw mom drive up to the hos...without Dust.She said he wouldnt come if I was going to be here. Just then Mathew drove up and let Dustan out of the car and went to park it. I waited and when he came in they ignored me and asked the comissionar where the phisio was.Shows how much he knew! I told him he was going to the wrong place He needed to go to the 4th floor to see the Ortho Dr.He followed, with much hesation. I had to go back down to pre regester Dustan with central bookin then took the paper work up to the clinic.
We go into see the Dr very quick.They called Dustans name,I falowed..mathew legged behind us. The Dr asked if we knew he was suposto be there at 10 and I spoke up "Yes they knew" Mathew pipped up and said "we didnt come because we knew she would be here" (he looked like an ass!)
The Dr told us Dustan needed to be in a new cast for another 5 weeks. Dustan started complaining it was taking too long and I reminded him " if ur dad took u at 10 this morning when he was suposto u would have been in and out" "just be gald they made time to see you" Neither Dustan or Mathew said a word. Then Dust said "wonder what they would do If i just got up and walked out??" I said " probably take u right into surgery Dustan..enough!"
The man came in and put Dustans new cast on (asking one of us to help, I hesateted because I was sure dustan would object to me helping with Mathew right there..but he didnt volientare,and in sure the dr senced it so he said "dad can u help?" Mathew did. He told him " im sure u wont miss the next app because it will be to get it off!. He gave me the papers to take to central booking.
As we were leaving I gave the papers to mathew and told him "u can make the appt. I still went with him. When we giot ther the lady asked "when is bes for the appt?" I told mathew " ask for the latest appt!" He did.May 25 at 3:20.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Bubble Birst!
Well it lasted longer tha I thought.I had 3 days with my boys..........
Mom called me today to seeif I wanted to go out to the trailor because she hadent seen Dustan since wed whaen he hurt his leg.I thought it would be a good idea if i went with her because then i could leave with her. I told her I was going to go to town and get him some pants because his jeand were too tight to get over his cast.We met at the mall and went out to the traiolr.
Mathew was in the car when we got there. The kids were in the house (Jade and Dust, Kory was gone to a friend Birthday party). Mom and I went in and were in the living room visiting. Mom wanted to get him something in town and asked me if he would like a pillow.I told her he had actually mentioned that the other day.So she decided to get him one. We gave him his pants a pillow, and sat and talked with him for about a half hour. As we were talking Jade asked mathew " what was with u last night?" He looked at her with a puzzled look on his face. She said "U woke up yelling and cursing at like 1:30,what was that all about??" He told he "I must have been having a nightmare" "ide say so!!" she said ( I was not so impressed because last night he messaged me on MSN and simply said "where are you?" I answered "in town" he then messaged "where?" I answered "crystals...Why? whats wrong?" I was truthfully at Joels but didnt think it was any of his business. He wouldnt answer me back so I got scared he would come looking for my car.I moved it up the hill just in case. I called shirlie to see if his car was home and she told me "it just left" Sure enough at about 2:00am he came roaring in the traiolr court, by joels place. I was scared to death that he was now going to see if my car was at crystals so i ran to my car and went home.I dont want him to smash anything else in rage.I have been home since then.)
Anyway,getting back to the visit on sat with mom...As mom and I were leaving he waited until mom was ahead of me then he said " This is your golden oppertunity,dont fuck it up!" I should have kept going like I didnt hear him but I didnt.I turned and looked at him and said " What does that really mean?" He told me " If we find out ur with him this is over!" He stuch his head in the trailor and said "u tell he Dustan!" I Told him "U dont have any right to tell me what I can do,im not your property! Im just here for my kids" He started in on his "how could u do what u did,he was like my brother!" I had enough...I told him " Wait a min , You DO have a brother!! When is the last time u seen or talked to him?????" I wanted to make a point of that.He got mad and told me to get the fuck out and that they were fine with out me. I told him " no you not, The kids live in squaller,this place is a pig pen,They are here every nigth alone,raisin themselves ,falling asleep in school,eating junk...NO they are NOT OK!!!!!!!!!!!!" At this point he grabbed my by the arm and drug me to the door and told me to get out and never come back or he would call the cops.
Mom had no clue of what just happened .I had the bag of pants in my hand because mathew threw them at me b4 he pushed me to the door telling me to take them they didnt need them. I put them in the front seat of his car b4 mom and I left.
Mom took me back to my car and I got out and went home. It was about 4pm when i got back home.At 6:30 the phone rang,it was mathew.I answered and as soon as i did he hung up.I know the only reason he called was to see if i went home or not.
I want to pull my hair out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I was suposto take dustan to his appt on tues morn (the one mathew bitched would cut into his sleep time) I just hope he takes him to it,or at the very least resceduales it for later in the afternoon.
Mom called me today to seeif I wanted to go out to the trailor because she hadent seen Dustan since wed whaen he hurt his leg.I thought it would be a good idea if i went with her because then i could leave with her. I told her I was going to go to town and get him some pants because his jeand were too tight to get over his cast.We met at the mall and went out to the traiolr.
Mathew was in the car when we got there. The kids were in the house (Jade and Dust, Kory was gone to a friend Birthday party). Mom and I went in and were in the living room visiting. Mom wanted to get him something in town and asked me if he would like a pillow.I told her he had actually mentioned that the other day.So she decided to get him one. We gave him his pants a pillow, and sat and talked with him for about a half hour. As we were talking Jade asked mathew " what was with u last night?" He looked at her with a puzzled look on his face. She said "U woke up yelling and cursing at like 1:30,what was that all about??" He told he "I must have been having a nightmare" "ide say so!!" she said ( I was not so impressed because last night he messaged me on MSN and simply said "where are you?" I answered "in town" he then messaged "where?" I answered "crystals...Why? whats wrong?" I was truthfully at Joels but didnt think it was any of his business. He wouldnt answer me back so I got scared he would come looking for my car.I moved it up the hill just in case. I called shirlie to see if his car was home and she told me "it just left" Sure enough at about 2:00am he came roaring in the traiolr court, by joels place. I was scared to death that he was now going to see if my car was at crystals so i ran to my car and went home.I dont want him to smash anything else in rage.I have been home since then.)
Anyway,getting back to the visit on sat with mom...As mom and I were leaving he waited until mom was ahead of me then he said " This is your golden oppertunity,dont fuck it up!" I should have kept going like I didnt hear him but I didnt.I turned and looked at him and said " What does that really mean?" He told me " If we find out ur with him this is over!" He stuch his head in the trailor and said "u tell he Dustan!" I Told him "U dont have any right to tell me what I can do,im not your property! Im just here for my kids" He started in on his "how could u do what u did,he was like my brother!" I had enough...I told him " Wait a min , You DO have a brother!! When is the last time u seen or talked to him?????" I wanted to make a point of that.He got mad and told me to get the fuck out and that they were fine with out me. I told him " no you not, The kids live in squaller,this place is a pig pen,They are here every nigth alone,raisin themselves ,falling asleep in school,eating junk...NO they are NOT OK!!!!!!!!!!!!" At this point he grabbed my by the arm and drug me to the door and told me to get out and never come back or he would call the cops.
Mom had no clue of what just happened .I had the bag of pants in my hand because mathew threw them at me b4 he pushed me to the door telling me to take them they didnt need them. I put them in the front seat of his car b4 mom and I left.
Mom took me back to my car and I got out and went home. It was about 4pm when i got back home.At 6:30 the phone rang,it was mathew.I answered and as soon as i did he hung up.I know the only reason he called was to see if i went home or not.
I want to pull my hair out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I was suposto take dustan to his appt on tues morn (the one mathew bitched would cut into his sleep time) I just hope he takes him to it,or at the very least resceduales it for later in the afternoon.
Friday, April 16, 2010
All is still good...
Well its been 2 days since Dustans accident at school,and hes doing ok.His knee is still hurting him a bit and hes having a hard time getting around.I went out to the trailor yesterday after work,to tell mathew about 2 calls for appointment i recieved. He got kinda huffy when i told him one was at 10 in the morning. H said "I cant do day time appointments!! I need to sleep" I was pissed at his reaction,but not one bit suprised.I didnt let on to him this and instead I see it as a positive for me and the kids.I told him "well i can take him" I have a feeling I will be taking him to all his phisio appts too when they start.( YEA!!!!!)
I stayed at the traiolr for a few hours on thurs,and stayed for supper (burgers on the BBQ,thought saying no thanks may have pissed mathew off)
Kory asked mathew if he could take him to the dance at 7pm. I think Kory seen me there as a way of getting a drive home because he knows mathew wouldnt be home to pick him up. Thats exactly what mathew told him too. I spoke up immeadiatly saying I would pick him up.He agreeded.( funny that all the other times i offered to do the same he always declined the offer..but now that DAD says its ok ,he takes the offer,not hard to figure that one out!)
I went the mill at 5:30 from the trailor so I would be done by the time to pick up Kory from the dance. On the way home he asked me for lip chap and i gave him myne.( Ill pick him up some tomorrow and take it out to him) He said he had a good time and thanked me for gettimg him.
When we got back to the trailor Mathew was gone to work and Broady and Dust were there watching a movie.Dustan said he was hungry when we got there so i heated up the left over burgers for them then soon left(hating the fact they were there alone till morning!! Grrrr) I had to get myself to sleep,work at the hospt at 7am.
I worked 7-3 todat at the hospt and met Dustan and mathew there for his appt for the CT scan.Dust was really shakie on the crutches.Really the first time he has had a chance to use them with out worring about the obsticals at the trailor.He was wearing the pants i bought for him yesterday when they got there.( I need to go find a few more for him that will fit over his cast,jeans wont fit over it).
The scan was quick and the tech said the results would be sent to the doctor for Tues morning.
Mathew pulled the car aroung because Dustan said his arms were sore and he didnt think he could make it to the car. I waited with him, he got himself into the car and i put his cruches in the back seat and told them i would talk to them soon.
They left,I did too.
I stayed at the traiolr for a few hours on thurs,and stayed for supper (burgers on the BBQ,thought saying no thanks may have pissed mathew off)
Kory asked mathew if he could take him to the dance at 7pm. I think Kory seen me there as a way of getting a drive home because he knows mathew wouldnt be home to pick him up. Thats exactly what mathew told him too. I spoke up immeadiatly saying I would pick him up.He agreeded.( funny that all the other times i offered to do the same he always declined the offer..but now that DAD says its ok ,he takes the offer,not hard to figure that one out!)
I went the mill at 5:30 from the trailor so I would be done by the time to pick up Kory from the dance. On the way home he asked me for lip chap and i gave him myne.( Ill pick him up some tomorrow and take it out to him) He said he had a good time and thanked me for gettimg him.
When we got back to the trailor Mathew was gone to work and Broady and Dust were there watching a movie.Dustan said he was hungry when we got there so i heated up the left over burgers for them then soon left(hating the fact they were there alone till morning!! Grrrr) I had to get myself to sleep,work at the hospt at 7am.
I worked 7-3 todat at the hospt and met Dustan and mathew there for his appt for the CT scan.Dust was really shakie on the crutches.Really the first time he has had a chance to use them with out worring about the obsticals at the trailor.He was wearing the pants i bought for him yesterday when they got there.( I need to go find a few more for him that will fit over his cast,jeans wont fit over it).
The scan was quick and the tech said the results would be sent to the doctor for Tues morning.
Mathew pulled the car aroung because Dustan said his arms were sore and he didnt think he could make it to the car. I waited with him, he got himself into the car and i put his cruches in the back seat and told them i would talk to them soon.
They left,I did too.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Day with Dust...at the ER
Spent the day with Dustan...at the ER. Mom called me at 2:30 and told me that the school called her and told her that Dustan hurt his leg at school and they were sending him to the Hos in an ambulance.My heart sank to my stomach!
When I got there he had just arrived.Mom and I went in to be with him.At first he didnt want me there but I told him "Dustan,its ok.Dont worrie" He was in alot of pain..and his knee was badly deformed.The doctor came in and told us it was dislocated but they were going to do an x ray to make sure there wasent any other problems.
He was wheeled to x-ray then back into ER. He asked me to hold his foot for him because he said he felt like it was slipping and he was scared of it movin because of the pain.I sat holding his foot with one had and rubbin his other leg with my other hand.I felt sooooo bad because he was in so much pain,but knew that he couldnt have any more meds because they were soon going to have to put him under so they could put his knee back into place.
At 3:15 Dr Sutton came back in and explained to Dustan and I what they were going to do.He would be put under sudation so they could set his knee back into place...Dustan was asking "can u do it now!!!" He was in soooooo much pain!
It was quick,and painless for Dust, thank god! It went back in place easy and fast!
Dust was groggy and sleepy for a bit afterwords...but came out of the sudation good.
Mom was standing next to Dust with her hand in her pocket, and Dustan herd change jiggling ...He was still under the effects of the drugs ,but when he herd the change he said " Do u have enough for Subway??"
At that point I knew he would be OK.
At 4:15 I said to Dust,Your Dad must be at work because Kory would be home from school now. Not 10 mins after I said that Mathew and kory walked in. I was glad he came. I know Dustan was too. Dr Sutton came back in and wanted Dust to go back to X-ray just to make sure that everything was back in the proper place. They said one of us could go with him.I told mathew to go with him this time.He did.
When he came back Dustan was so dry and wanted water, I asked if he was allowed to eat now and he was. I went to the Kitchen and asked Bessy if I could get 2 tubs of ice cream. I got them and went back and gave one to Dust and one to Kory.
Dr Sutton called me into see the X-ray, I called for Mathew to come in too. He showed us the b4 and after...good to go!
Dustan was given crutches,and a crash corse on them,then he was released.
Mathew said he had to go to work at 8,and i asked what they would have for supper.Dust said "ill make something" I told him "meet me at subway"
I and Mom met them at subway,Kory mom and I went in and ordered. We took it out to them and Mathew said " If u want to stop over later to check on him you can" I agreed..and they left.
I thanked Mom,and she went home.
I went to sobeys to get food for George,and when in the parking lot i decided to eat mu sub but realised i had Dustans so i went out to the trailor to trade with dust.
When i got there they wernt there yet but Brody was there on his bike waiting to see how Dust was.
They soon got there and we all went in.Broady decided to spend the night( im glad) and Mathew left for work at 7:15. I stayed till 8 then i had to go to work myself.I told Dustan to call me if he needed anything.He agreed.B4 I left Kory and Broady signed his cast,so did I.I wrote "purple boogers" Dust looked at it and smiled. (Its our code words for I Love You)
Before I left he said "Thanks for holding my foot mom" I told him "your welcome bud,I love you"
I stopped back over after i finished work at 11pm. I looked in the kitchen window and all was quiet.Bedroom doors were shut.My boys were in bed.
When I got there he had just arrived.Mom and I went in to be with him.At first he didnt want me there but I told him "Dustan,its ok.Dont worrie" He was in alot of pain..and his knee was badly deformed.The doctor came in and told us it was dislocated but they were going to do an x ray to make sure there wasent any other problems.
He was wheeled to x-ray then back into ER. He asked me to hold his foot for him because he said he felt like it was slipping and he was scared of it movin because of the pain.I sat holding his foot with one had and rubbin his other leg with my other hand.I felt sooooo bad because he was in so much pain,but knew that he couldnt have any more meds because they were soon going to have to put him under so they could put his knee back into place.
At 3:15 Dr Sutton came back in and explained to Dustan and I what they were going to do.He would be put under sudation so they could set his knee back into place...Dustan was asking "can u do it now!!!" He was in soooooo much pain!
It was quick,and painless for Dust, thank god! It went back in place easy and fast!
Dust was groggy and sleepy for a bit afterwords...but came out of the sudation good.
Mom was standing next to Dust with her hand in her pocket, and Dustan herd change jiggling ...He was still under the effects of the drugs ,but when he herd the change he said " Do u have enough for Subway??"
At that point I knew he would be OK.
At 4:15 I said to Dust,Your Dad must be at work because Kory would be home from school now. Not 10 mins after I said that Mathew and kory walked in. I was glad he came. I know Dustan was too. Dr Sutton came back in and wanted Dust to go back to X-ray just to make sure that everything was back in the proper place. They said one of us could go with him.I told mathew to go with him this time.He did.
When he came back Dustan was so dry and wanted water, I asked if he was allowed to eat now and he was. I went to the Kitchen and asked Bessy if I could get 2 tubs of ice cream. I got them and went back and gave one to Dust and one to Kory.
Dr Sutton called me into see the X-ray, I called for Mathew to come in too. He showed us the b4 and after...good to go!
Dustan was given crutches,and a crash corse on them,then he was released.
Mathew said he had to go to work at 8,and i asked what they would have for supper.Dust said "ill make something" I told him "meet me at subway"
I and Mom met them at subway,Kory mom and I went in and ordered. We took it out to them and Mathew said " If u want to stop over later to check on him you can" I agreed..and they left.
I thanked Mom,and she went home.
I went to sobeys to get food for George,and when in the parking lot i decided to eat mu sub but realised i had Dustans so i went out to the trailor to trade with dust.
When i got there they wernt there yet but Brody was there on his bike waiting to see how Dust was.
They soon got there and we all went in.Broady decided to spend the night( im glad) and Mathew left for work at 7:15. I stayed till 8 then i had to go to work myself.I told Dustan to call me if he needed anything.He agreed.B4 I left Kory and Broady signed his cast,so did I.I wrote "purple boogers" Dust looked at it and smiled. (Its our code words for I Love You)
Before I left he said "Thanks for holding my foot mom" I told him "your welcome bud,I love you"
I stopped back over after i finished work at 11pm. I looked in the kitchen window and all was quiet.Bedroom doors were shut.My boys were in bed.
Monday, April 5, 2010
My Moms Easter visit with the Boys
Mom (AKA Nanny Kean) went out to see the boys on sunday,after she went to church. When she got there Mathew wasent home but the kids were there. Broady and Jade were there too (surprised Jade was still there since it was Easter morning,but mabie Rhonda has gotton more slack as Jade gets older).
Mom went in and asked the kids if they were ready, Dust asked if Broady could go too.Mom told him she only had $40 dollars but Broady said he had money to help if needed. Mom agreed.She said as they were walking out Jade asked if it was ok for her to go too.Mom said yes,but I dont have alot of money with me. She too said she has some money.(I just gave her $10 for easter and the kids gave her the card for march break I gave her that had $20 in it.
Mom told me of their conversation on the way in town. Broady asked Dust " I bet ur mom got u thoese sneakers for easter??" He answered "yes" Mom said Jade said "U dont mind taking what she gives you!" Dustan told broady "Mom was over yesterday for like 3 hours and it was good but then she blew it! We saw her in town with Joel on our way to get groceries"
Mom spoke up and asked.. " But was it nice when she was there??" Dusatn answered "Yes" I asked mom if Kory said anything and she said he was quiet.
She said they had a good Supper at Swiss Challet,except for the bill being $95. Thank god for Broady!!! Mom ows him $15 lol.
She said both boys had on their new sneakers and new shirts I gave them. I have to try and figure this out.I know they miss me,god im dying without them.Im just so scared to replay the past.I am so scared to go back and have to leave again .I am terrified to put them through more pain.I wish I could have the chance to talk to both of them one on one,to see how they feel,truly feel,and let them know how I feel too.
Mom went in and asked the kids if they were ready, Dust asked if Broady could go too.Mom told him she only had $40 dollars but Broady said he had money to help if needed. Mom agreed.She said as they were walking out Jade asked if it was ok for her to go too.Mom said yes,but I dont have alot of money with me. She too said she has some money.(I just gave her $10 for easter and the kids gave her the card for march break I gave her that had $20 in it.
Mom told me of their conversation on the way in town. Broady asked Dust " I bet ur mom got u thoese sneakers for easter??" He answered "yes" Mom said Jade said "U dont mind taking what she gives you!" Dustan told broady "Mom was over yesterday for like 3 hours and it was good but then she blew it! We saw her in town with Joel on our way to get groceries"
Mom spoke up and asked.. " But was it nice when she was there??" Dusatn answered "Yes" I asked mom if Kory said anything and she said he was quiet.
She said they had a good Supper at Swiss Challet,except for the bill being $95. Thank god for Broady!!! Mom ows him $15 lol.
She said both boys had on their new sneakers and new shirts I gave them. I have to try and figure this out.I know they miss me,god im dying without them.Im just so scared to replay the past.I am so scared to go back and have to leave again .I am terrified to put them through more pain.I wish I could have the chance to talk to both of them one on one,to see how they feel,truly feel,and let them know how I feel too.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Why is it that something good only lasts for a little??
Today I went out to see the kids.Mathew knew I was coming,i spoke to him on m.s.n last night and asked if it was ok to come out.He said yes.So I did.
Before i went I made choch chip pancakes for them. I dont think they knew I was coming, I did ask him not to tell them. When I got there Dusatn and Jade were in the livinroom, Kory was in his room on the game.Mathew answered the door and I went in and seen Dust first.I asked " did u eat?" NO he said. I told him "i have pancakes, want some?" He tried not to smile, but he did and came to the kitchen and made up a plate. Mathew told Kory to come get some,Kory didnt believe him there was pancakes saying " u never make pancakes!!" lol....we all had a laugh!!
After Dust ate I went out to the car and took in the Easter baskets I brought out for them. Jade and Dust were in th living room and opened them. I told Kory to "come out, ur missin all the fun!" He came out and opened his too.I put the sneaker spray and deoideriser in their baskets. Dustan commented on the spray, asking "whats this for??" Kory said " do u think My feet small???" ( I hadent taken in their new sneakers at this point so they were a little baffled why they has foot spray in their baskets!! hahaha"
I got up from the chair and said "oh ya...just a min!" then went out to the car and brought their new sneakers in. ( plannin it all along!! heheheeh)
Dustan said "I just got new sneakers with Nanny Kean?" I told him I knew he did,but i coulndnt get new ones for Kory and not him. He smiled! They tried them on and they fit! Perfect!! :)
I told Jade "thats why I got u flip-flops! She smiled.
We were out on the deck for most of my visit,chattin about school, memories, school more memories and whatever else came up.Dustan went and got a shower to try his new body wash and calone i got him.He put on his new shirt too.But didnt want to put on his new shoes yet.Kory came out of his room and sprayed his sneakers and so did jade and Dust. Jade went in the bathroom and put on the new shirt i gave her for easter. :)!!!
I went into Korys room and spent some time with him.He was playing the game. We taked about school.I told hin i went to see his teachers on parent teacher and how they were proud of him.I asked about the artist coming to the school and he told me he was excited about him coming.
Around 3:30 I had to leave (cramps from aunt flow were gettin the better of me and no midol in my purse) Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was in such a happy place (and could tell the kids were too) it was a struggle to have to go.:(
B4 I left Dustan wanted to know if i seen his new T.V (I did when i was sittin with Kory but went with him anyway) He took me in the room and showed me. I was impressed! I asked if he bought a monster cable for it? He said "yes" I told him it was really nice.
I told them I loved them,and I was soo happy to see them. They smiled with agreeance.and thanked me for everything. I sadly walked down the steps and got in my car and drove off.
As i drove the pain from the cramps was takin full effect.Adrelin must have been overdrive because as soon as i leat they hit full forse.I barley got to joels without passing out from the pain of them. I took 3 midol and curled up in the fetal position waiting for them to kick in.
I passed out from the pain or the pills, which ever it was it was a blessing. I awoke to Joel coming home at 5:40.
It was so nice that we decided to go for a drive.I couldnt stop talking about my day.I was on cloud nine! He was so hapy for me.I was happy for the kids.
While in town I herd Joel say "Oh,no,baby,he just drove by!!" " and hes turning around!" Bubble Burst!!!!!
We tried to turn but it was too late. Mathew,Dustan and Jade seen us and Mathew was going to make sure The kids seen! He (mathew) pulled in front of Joel and I so Dustan seen us.Dustan gave me the finger. Wish I could have herd what mathew was was saying...but I had a pretty good idea.
All I can think now is that the beautiful day I had with them is no more.
I left Joels,scared if mathew came lookin for me it would be better if I was at my place instead of Joels. I know Joel feels bad,I do too.My poor kids. A real man would have driven bye and let my kids have the memorie of the day we had together continue.Insted he had to share his disaprovable of me and someone other than him with the kids.
I cant win,neither can they when hes stearing the ship.
Its been 3 years now.....god this will never end!!
Before i went I made choch chip pancakes for them. I dont think they knew I was coming, I did ask him not to tell them. When I got there Dusatn and Jade were in the livinroom, Kory was in his room on the game.Mathew answered the door and I went in and seen Dust first.I asked " did u eat?" NO he said. I told him "i have pancakes, want some?" He tried not to smile, but he did and came to the kitchen and made up a plate. Mathew told Kory to come get some,Kory didnt believe him there was pancakes saying " u never make pancakes!!" lol....we all had a laugh!!
After Dust ate I went out to the car and took in the Easter baskets I brought out for them. Jade and Dust were in th living room and opened them. I told Kory to "come out, ur missin all the fun!" He came out and opened his too.I put the sneaker spray and deoideriser in their baskets. Dustan commented on the spray, asking "whats this for??" Kory said " do u think My feet small???" ( I hadent taken in their new sneakers at this point so they were a little baffled why they has foot spray in their baskets!! hahaha"
I got up from the chair and said "oh ya...just a min!" then went out to the car and brought their new sneakers in. ( plannin it all along!! heheheeh)
Dustan said "I just got new sneakers with Nanny Kean?" I told him I knew he did,but i coulndnt get new ones for Kory and not him. He smiled! They tried them on and they fit! Perfect!! :)
I told Jade "thats why I got u flip-flops! She smiled.
We were out on the deck for most of my visit,chattin about school, memories, school more memories and whatever else came up.Dustan went and got a shower to try his new body wash and calone i got him.He put on his new shirt too.But didnt want to put on his new shoes yet.Kory came out of his room and sprayed his sneakers and so did jade and Dust. Jade went in the bathroom and put on the new shirt i gave her for easter. :)!!!
I went into Korys room and spent some time with him.He was playing the game. We taked about school.I told hin i went to see his teachers on parent teacher and how they were proud of him.I asked about the artist coming to the school and he told me he was excited about him coming.
Around 3:30 I had to leave (cramps from aunt flow were gettin the better of me and no midol in my purse) Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was in such a happy place (and could tell the kids were too) it was a struggle to have to go.:(
B4 I left Dustan wanted to know if i seen his new T.V (I did when i was sittin with Kory but went with him anyway) He took me in the room and showed me. I was impressed! I asked if he bought a monster cable for it? He said "yes" I told him it was really nice.
I told them I loved them,and I was soo happy to see them. They smiled with agreeance.and thanked me for everything. I sadly walked down the steps and got in my car and drove off.
As i drove the pain from the cramps was takin full effect.Adrelin must have been overdrive because as soon as i leat they hit full forse.I barley got to joels without passing out from the pain of them. I took 3 midol and curled up in the fetal position waiting for them to kick in.
I passed out from the pain or the pills, which ever it was it was a blessing. I awoke to Joel coming home at 5:40.
It was so nice that we decided to go for a drive.I couldnt stop talking about my day.I was on cloud nine! He was so hapy for me.I was happy for the kids.
While in town I herd Joel say "Oh,no,baby,he just drove by!!" " and hes turning around!" Bubble Burst!!!!!
We tried to turn but it was too late. Mathew,Dustan and Jade seen us and Mathew was going to make sure The kids seen! He (mathew) pulled in front of Joel and I so Dustan seen us.Dustan gave me the finger. Wish I could have herd what mathew was was saying...but I had a pretty good idea.
All I can think now is that the beautiful day I had with them is no more.
I left Joels,scared if mathew came lookin for me it would be better if I was at my place instead of Joels. I know Joel feels bad,I do too.My poor kids. A real man would have driven bye and let my kids have the memorie of the day we had together continue.Insted he had to share his disaprovable of me and someone other than him with the kids.
I cant win,neither can they when hes stearing the ship.
Its been 3 years now.....god this will never end!!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Time goes by too fast
This month will be a year since I have had eather of my children with me.Mabie that milestone has something to do with how I have been feeling, mabie its just that Im miserable without them ,period!
Usually for Easter we go to a big family dinner,last year was the first year i went alone, and it was hell to try and keep the fake smile on my face being there without eather of my boys,everyone commented on how helpfull i was in the kitchen...really I was just there because with my back turned to everyone.. doing dishes.... no one could see my tears of emptyness.
This year (thankfully) there are no planned festivities. I have bought gifts for both Dustan and Kory and for Jade,and am planning on going out to try and see them on sunday and deliver them to them in person (lets hope it goes as good as it did at christmas).I hope it does,i need to at least see them.I feel like im going crazy without them ,little by little.
Usually for Easter we go to a big family dinner,last year was the first year i went alone, and it was hell to try and keep the fake smile on my face being there without eather of my boys,everyone commented on how helpfull i was in the kitchen...really I was just there because with my back turned to everyone.. doing dishes.... no one could see my tears of emptyness.
This year (thankfully) there are no planned festivities. I have bought gifts for both Dustan and Kory and for Jade,and am planning on going out to try and see them on sunday and deliver them to them in person (lets hope it goes as good as it did at christmas).I hope it does,i need to at least see them.I feel like im going crazy without them ,little by little.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Here I GO!
I will have to tell you now I have never blogged b4. Im a newbe. So I will get right to the point. I want to know how many Mothers out there have left a relationship...for WHATEVER reason, and have lost their childern in the prosess. I have been trying for three years now, in and out of the courts, to get my boys back with me.
As of now I am struggling through my life without them. I did have my youngest son with me for 8 months when I left my relationship. . Now him along with my oldest son is with my ex-partner( their father).Both my children are livin with him, in the home WE lived in as a family,and I have little to no contact with them.
I have a few friends that are going through this too and I cant understand what is going on with the justice system, and agencies that are suposto be availabe to help Mothers in need.
I would love to hear from other women who might have some insight on what I, and my kids, have been living through.
Thank you,Lisa
As of now I am struggling through my life without them. I did have my youngest son with me for 8 months when I left my relationship. . Now him along with my oldest son is with my ex-partner( their father).Both my children are livin with him, in the home WE lived in as a family,and I have little to no contact with them.
I have a few friends that are going through this too and I cant understand what is going on with the justice system, and agencies that are suposto be availabe to help Mothers in need.
I would love to hear from other women who might have some insight on what I, and my kids, have been living through.
Thank you,Lisa
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