..And The Judge Rules....

Today I had a Court date to try and defend the judgment against me from Mathew. I had met on 2 occasions with Hector MacIssiac. Unfortunately after he spent the afternoon of Tues May 23rd, reviewing my file. He concluded I would have no other alternative then to agree to pay support.
When I was b4 the judge. I learned that My Lawyers Fax, hadn't been received by the courts.
Initially I was Scared, mad, and truthfully numb.
As the Judge asked me what I had discussed
with my council...I truly felt abandoned yet again! But allowed me heart to speak.
When asked about Child Support, I asked the Judge to DEFINE 'Support' as well as 'Parent & Care Giver'..
I told the courts I have been accountable and willing to support MY Boys...but, I WOULD NOT Support Mathew (their Father) under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!
I didnt hold My emotions back, even tho at the time I thought I should. My mind was trying to keep me cool. But my sole was pushing me on.
I FOUGHT to ONLY pay & care for them! (Dust & Kory)
I requested that any $ over what I spend on what they need, goes into a bank account. For ONLY them!! ...And as Mathew agreed... The Judge made his ruling.
I do feel a sense of victory! I have said for almost 4 years now that I will NEVER give Mathew money! Today I have written that MY Intentions are for Dust & kory!!I wish I could have fought for Jade too, but laws and rights blur these lines.
As to this date, as as long as I am breathing , I will, ALWAYS feel he same as I feel with my Boys... Not only for me..but in every conversation, every smile or frown, all the times I have the opportunity to cheer them on or sit quietly along the sidelines reminding the I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To My Madame Butterfly.....its no mistake that you hold this name in-side of me. The years we spent together have never left MY Heart!!

Halloween Weekend 2010

It has been such a beautiful fall, and I just keep thinking of all the memories I haven't been able to share and enjoy with my Boys and Jade. I pass by Jades house almost every day. Sometimes I see her moms car there. Most times i see its not there. I wonder if she is there along or if she is at someones house other than the Boys?? I worrie about her so much.I wish she would just come down the hill to me. I miss her more than I could ever write about. I hope it doesn't take something terrible happening to her to reach out to me.
Tonight was the first dance at WPC and NRHS . I was thinking Kory might have called mom to take him there ..but she said she didn't hear form him. I hope they take Shelia up on her offer to get them Halloween Night so they can trick-or-Treat ....like KIDS are suppose to do.
Heck, please ....they are only 14 and 12.
I hoe the all ( Dustan, Jade and Kory) have a fun weekend!!

The Future is Written

I haven't written a lot since the boys and Mom went camping. I have been trying to stay busy (Time seams to pass a little easier when I'm busy ). I have met with the Women whose conducting the parental assessment and even though It was difficult to complete. It is finished.
I have learned that she didn't talk to Yvonne or my councilor (Susan Hartley).I am really disappointed that she didn't have the chance to take their opinions into account before she reached her final decision. Which I was led to understand was her "First draft" for the courts. I think that both these contacts would have been beneficial to her final opinion. Especially since she would have had the insight form my psychologist for the most resent events.
I received word from Kathy today that we will be waiting to hear from the Judge for his final decision. ..... :(
Even tho I am thinking the worst....I am trying to keep letting them know I Love them in what ever way I can.
I have sent out the usual treats with Mom.(Thanks Giving Dinner, cookies, Banana loaf) and I have tried to let them know I know whats going on at school for them too.
I have made an apron for Kory for Home-Ech, I sent a Knee brace for Dust (so he was more secure in trying out for sports ,this year.
) He (Dustan) is actually trying out for B-Ball!!!!!!!! :D
I have stayed away up until now. But If he makes the team I will be there to see him play. ( Even if I have to hide in the shadows) Im soooooooo glad Brody is trying out too. I know if it wasn't for that ...Dust wouldn't have tried. He knows the only way he would be able to get to the games is ether Brody or my Mom. ( Mom had taken him to two try-outs so far) GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!9 and Brody) :D :D !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Camping?????

I called Mom tonight after thinking of something she could do with the Boys. I told her that if she took the trailor to a nearby camp-groundand went and took the Boys with her ...they would love it!!
She was sounding stressed because Gary wouldnt go with her.((((Grrrr)
I told her " get him to help u set it up and have a few days with the kids" I know they would love it!!! Mom too!!
She was very withdrawn with the idea. Because she said "If garys not there I dont think I will"
I told her "That hurts me Mom" ...... " I know you would Love havin a fire, laughing, smores...."
She tried to brush ther idea off , telling me "well see"

Im so bothered by how Mom feels ......If I could I would Tell Gary how much this hurts me, because it hurts Mom......weather she realixes it or not.

Moms Sunday with the Boys

As usuall, Mom went out to take the Boys for lunch. Subay was the on the menue. ...I seen them pulling out of Subway, as Joel and I were pullin into the Central supplys enterance. Mom said that she didnt see us.
Mom said she took them up to the future shop to look around. Then she went to se Nanny Ellsworth with them.

Mathew wasent home when she picked them up or dropped them off.

Korys Birthday!

Well today is Korys 12th Birthday. I made him a fruit pizza instead of the regular one (with hopes that Mathew got him one??) I got him the traditional box of fire works and some gifts.
I went out to the tailor around 9:45, just as it was getting dark. The kids were home and Mathew wasn't. When kory seen me comming he went to the door and locked it.Then he shut the kitchen window. :( :(
I told him " just take ur gifts and Ill go. He said "no" So I put them on the door step and as I was leaving I said "this is pathetic ,to which Dusatn said "No you are pathetic"
I drove down the hill to shirlies and stayed to make sure if they put the fireworks off I would be there in case anything went wrong. But they didnt put them off.
I left feeling content that they wouldnt ....so i left and went back to work.

Power out!! July 14/ 2010

I spoke to Mom tonight and she told me that Dust called her last night around the time she goes to bed. He said he was bored because the power was out.(I questioned if he was a little scared?? But she said she didn't ask him )
He told her he just got back from Broadys and the power was out.
He told her that he looked for a place to see his U-Ge O cards in Truro and he asked if they could mabie go this weekend. Mom told his she would see.
She said while they were talking Dust said the power came back on. ( I really think he was a little scared. I know he feels responsible for not only him but Kory too :(..)
They ended their talk with Mom telling Dust to say Good Night to Kory,Dust said he would :)